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I began earnestly seeking the Lord for understanding and direction.I just wanted the mental/emotional anguish to subside. No, I didn’t get THE answer, but I did get AN answer.Would Abraham die to the dream of being a father once again? It felt like the mode I was operating under was tainted, so I began with repentance for having such difficulty in following the Lord.I was brokenhearted because I knew my heart and mind weren’t in line with His will for me, and that hurt knowing that I wasn’t being obedient.And beyond that, how would I even know if I had chosen the right person to be my future husband?How, exactly, do you know that you have found that ONE?
But when you have operated under your own understanding in a particular area of life and you have relied on your past experiences to see you through for so long, it seems downright unnatural not to think about it.
I don’t believe Abraham was saying that hoping Isaac would stop badgering him. I believe Abraham knew the God whom he served, and God would make a way beyond his own understanding. I just am amazed at that level of “letting go.” Well, if you know the story, Abraham found favor that day.
At the last moment, the angel of the Lord stopped Abraham from murdering his son.
And it came while going up to the altar for prayer one Sunday morning. You have this idea of what is going to make you happy, but it isn’t. It’s like you are holding on so tightly, but God is waiting for you to give that to Him before He can move.” Ugh.
Before I had a chance to utter my request, the gentle woman with the beautiful long, red hair who came to pray for me looked me in the eye and said—and I am paraphrasing a bit here because I don’t have this recorded on tape—“I don’t know if this is from the Lord or not, but I think God is trying to say that you need to lay down your Isaac. There was that same concept that I had heard for months now—“letting go.” You know how hard it is to give up when you are a stubborn, tenacious person?Not just a test of Abraham’s affection for God, but also a test of whether or not Abraham would continue to trust God for His timing and fulfillment of His promise to Abraham, or whether Abraham would take the situation into his own hands and force his personal will. With the Abraham story in mind, I went home later that evening and had a one-on-one with God.